Eek.

I am trying not to be nervous, but I'm nervous. The feeling isn't new: I'm used to the pre-race stomach flip-flopping, the apprehension of the pain, the concern that I won't achieve the goals I've set for myself. But usually it doesn't start until a couple days before, and usually I at least have some sense of what I'm getting myself into. There is fear of the unknown added on here that is amping up the inner turmoil.

This pretty much sums it up.

The fear is that, despite the four months of dedicated training, 42.2 will just be too long, and I won't be able to make it through. The what ifs are on constant rotation through my brain. What if my legs have no juice from the very start? What if nerves turn my stomach into a mess? What if the hills kill me? What if I hit the wall and can't recover? What if my brain or legs literally shut down before I reach the finish line?

But I'm trying to remember that the pressure to perform is all self-induced. Nobody but me is going to be disappointed if I don't run as fast as I am hoping to. If one of my "worst-case scenario" situations arises, it's still not going to stop me from shuffling the full distance and hauling myself across the finish line in Rachel's honour. Even if I blow up on race day, I will have made it there. I can still say that I've raised over $5200 for leukemia research, that I am in the best shape of my life, that I've been immensely inspired by this experience, and that I've forced myself into this new mental zone where a 16k long run feels like a treat, and a half-marathon a forgivingly short race. And hey, I'm about to go hang out in San Francisco with one of my very best friends in the world. Can't go wrong.

So this week I will rest, gorge on pasta, enjoy a few easy sharpening runs, and fly south. I'll get myself to the start line Sunday morning as prepared as I can possibly be. If I'm feeling good, well that's great. If I'm not, then I'll suffer through it, try to enjoy the San Francisco scenery, and grab my Tiffany's finishing medal from an attractive shirtless fireman at the finish line (I will be disappointed if this rumored series of events proves false). And then I will go for a beer with Nancy, accept that Jackie ran too far, and start training for my next 5k.

Here we go!!

Week 16 Recap:

M: off - yoga at home
TU: 10k
W: 16k (3k, 2k, 1k intervals)
TH: 5k + yoga at home
F: 10k (5 x hill ... last time running up that stupid hill YESSSS!!)
SA: off
SU: 16k

Week total: approx. 57k